Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
