Umm I'm too high to move.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
