Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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