If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
