the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
