is your mom at the bar?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
