i think my tv is drunk
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Are we still banned from the library?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
