You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
