I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
