Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
