Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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