Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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