Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
