don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
