Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
