Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
