youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
