I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
