So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
