YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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