I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pooping to opera.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
