Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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