So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
