She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
