in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
