ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
