My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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