Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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