I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
