listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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