Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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