id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
