She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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