STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
