it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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