if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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