party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
