matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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