i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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