i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
