I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
