he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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