if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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