That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
