You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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