...so i touched it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
