ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
