the condom got lost in my hair
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
