God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
