I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
