More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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