There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
