I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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