well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
