it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
