I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
