Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
