I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
we should paint friendship bongs
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
