everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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