we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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