she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
