I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
