Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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